In the U.S., at least four million persons each year are direct victims of intimate violence, and the vast majority of identified victims, at least 85 percent, are female. 47 percent of husbands who beat their wives do so three or more times a year. Not surprisingly, 25 to 30 percent of all abused women suffer repeat victimization – many are beaten as often as once a week.
Children in violent households are often abused and neglected. Typically they suffer increased physical illnesses, including slowed development, sleep disturbances, helplessness, insecurity, depression, and anxiety.
Children learn from an abusive parent that violence toward a loved one is acceptable – that bullying and aggression “solve” problems. After the age of five or six, children in violent homes identify with the aggressor, and show a lack of respect for the one who keeps getting hurt. A national study found that men who witnessed their fathers beating their mothers are three times more likely to hit their wives and girlfriends than those who did not witness such behavior.
When I photographed a boy screaming at this father for beating his mother, I realized how empowering it was for that child to face the adult and tell him what he was doing was wrong. The boy said, “I hate you for beating my mother. I hope you never come back to this house.” From a child’s mouth flew such succinct words of wisdom.
From my point of view, being a parent is not a God-given right. It is something that men and women must learn how to do together (or separately) in a fair and loving way. If one parent becomes abusive, he or she loses the right to be a part of the family team. Being a good parent is not just about earning good money or enforcing rules, it’s about nourishment, support, and loving guidance. Parents need to learn how to be leaders for, not destroyers of, children.
